Mind - Balancing act

Off late I have been overloaded with millions of thoughts. They have been actually travelling in my mind taking for granted that my mind is a racetrack and each and every thought wants to win the race. The thoughts are pretty random some pertaining to my personal life, some to my professional and the left overs to the dark dungeons that have been lying like a stinking dead fish beneath my closed fist sized heart.

Seesaw: Sometimes I wonder when one side of your life is green does that mean the other needs to be black? But yes! how can I forget even that’s a thought after all. Currently I am in a two faced situation, where my personal life seems to be all hunky dory (*touch wood) and my professional life seems to be a juggling act. I know the reasons of this imbalance though, but somewhere the solution-oriented mind of mine seems to have taken a backseat, making it utterly difficult for me to understand the situation and reciprocate to the problem. And the lesson learnt is life is a package filled with ups and downs. Where ups keep you motivated to fight, downs teach you the values of ups.

Makeover: Someone very close to me once rather lets be specific with numbers here, told me at least a million times that there are at least ten thousand things that I need to improve in myself. Which somewhere I completely agree too but a complete makeover of you is definitely not a cakewalk. That’s because you are used to growing up and living in a particular condition, atmosphere, situation and circumstance. All of sudden to adjust yourself and to imagine yourself in someone else’s shoes is like climbing a Mount Everest when you are a loser enough that you need help to climb a slightly big slope at Elephanta caves. And the lesson learnt is not always changing yourself matters; sometimes just a tweak does the job. Just make sure the tweak is right.

Live hypocrisy: The discussion on the table is not that whether I can change according to what the time and people demand. Its more about why does this need in the first place arise? What happens to the theories of you should except people the way they are and vice versa? What I have concluded from the over all scenario is that, you are always surrounded by hypocrites, hence you need to take utmost care of what you do, you think and should do and you should think. Isn’t this confusing enough that you are again loaded with other thoughts! I learnt it a hard way. And the lesson learnt is world is full of hypocrites and if you think someone is not, then treasure that person, run away with that person incase it suits your orientation or tie him/her with a rope and keep him/her in a prison locked by strong iron chains.

Enthusiasm vs expectation: As a child I have been always been over enthusiastic and curious about things that come my way. And this has really helped me grown in many ways. Until today that I realized over enthusiasm can be misinterpreted as immature and over confident behaviour. Most of the time all of this comes to me as a shock as what I think and do is not exactly what is perceived and interpreted. I don’t have a problem with that, but rectifying it is a trouble in itself. And many a times I think you should just let it be. A very dear friend of mine once told me “You just cannot keep everyone happy.” And the lesson learnt is exactly what is said in the previous line i.e “You just cannot keep everyone happy.”

Interpretation vs misinterpretation: I have faced this problem many times recently. May be again this is something to do with my inability to communicate of what I mean or its just that person’s inability to understand where I am coming from. I am not a best judge to decide and conclude on this hence I do seek help from my well enlightened friends which does help you take the load of your head many times. Somewhere years of experience doesn’t really help much in such a situation, but yes its teaches you a lesson for sure. And the lesson learnt is however close one person is to you, it doesn’t mean that the person is always right. After all human error theory is also applicable to that person as much is applicable to you.

Happy to be me: This is a state of mind where according to me no one can ever be. And if someone claims he is then that person is in a state of mind where he is very smartly fooling himself. I think I am as far from this mindset as people on earth are from the moon, and if his is the way I am perceived and interpreted I don’t really think I will ever reach close to this. I know somewhere I get a bit too boggled emotionally by problems that crop up in my life, but again isn’t this me? The matter of fact is not that I will not try to be a better person in dictionary definitions but the fact still remains a mystery to me whether all this is actually required? If I ask my fiancé this question he will surely deny or may be very smartly tell me do things with a slight modifications that I am ok with and in fact is one of main reasons of why I am so willing to be his better half (totally superwoman style). And the lesson learnt don’t just talk about this state of mind, try and get there.

Filters: One thing I have realized, in life you find tons of people that are ready on one leg to advice you or suggest you extraordinary solutions that you will in your widest dreams not think of. Again choosing what is right is your call and which according to me a talent in itself, in which I am as handicapped as paralysis patient lying in the bed at a hospital. And the lesson learnt is choose what you think is right but not all you think is right.

So many unanswered thoughts are running through my mind each and every second and they have quite a bit succeeded in giving me sleepless nights. The final place where I think I can find answers to these questions and some peace of mind is within me. For today after writing so much I guess I can have my share a peaceful mind and sleep.