Thoughts...

Once while wandering alone,

Some thoughts cropped up my mind,

I looked right, left, below and above,

Even then I was unable to find.

Thoughts of noise and pain,

The ones which were hard to burn,

All of a sudden vanished in thin air,

And I could finally breathe.

An empty space in my heart,

Found itself half full of happiness,

What I looked for far away,

I found it was always close to me.

The pain and hatred can hardly change,

But living life all of a sudden,

Seems a mandate.

Behind my sunglasses and earphones!

I love wearing my sunglasses,

As no one can read my eyes behind them,

I love when my earphones are plugged in,

As my ears are shut to the outside world then.

No one has ever tried to know,

Why I like to be alone,

It’s a secret hidden deep inside,

Which the world can never find.

I look outside the window,

Full geared in grimace,

But it is so placidly hidden,

That no one can ever understand.

Many a times I don’t wish to hide,

I want to cry and get over with,

This feeling of being isolated,

But I can’t help, let it survive.

I am waiting for the day when,

I can look beyond it comfortably,

When I don’t have to struggle to breath,

I will just be at peace.

I tried giving life a second chance…

I tried giving life a second chance,

But my past doesn’t want to leave me alone,

It has a master plan to hound me,

I think till I reach my death bed.

I try to look at brighter things,

The good that happens to me,

But why is the dark shadow of past,

As always trying to eat me up.

I close my eyes,

Hoping to close my past,

But when I open,

That is all that I see has last.

When I think of a master plan,

It fails me always,

I try and run away,

But I find myself strangled and breathless.

I tried giving life a second chance,

But the life refused to take it,

It brought me back where I started,

To the point when I gave up!

I still tried giving life a second chance,

But it turned me down.

So much so that I can’t fight anymore,

I want to look beyond, but I fail to do so.

Looking back…

Something’s on my mind,

That is asking me to run away,

I so wish it was easy,

To face you each and everyday.

Can’t say that I miss you,

Can’t believe its true,

Can’t tell you that deep within,

I still love you.

I wish I could turn the clock,

To time when we were together,

To make believe myself,

That we will be happy forever.

I look at you and you refuse to look back,

I wish we could talk through eyes,

And still know what’s on our mind,

But I see a blank slate and nothing left behind.

I am aware of the real scenario,

Where I know you will never come back,

But somewhere deep within,

The fact is, I still fear to look back.

Child inside me...

For you my “Mom”

I just killed the child inside me,

So you feel secured,

That my child has finally grown up!

Saw you in hardships and sorrows,

Was too small to be there for you then,

Now shall try and help,

In every way that I can!

I did take time to understand,

Your worry for me,

I am still like an ostrich,

Who refused the harsh world to see!

Today when I look in the mirror,

I see what a fool I am,

That I can never run away from the truth,

That now it’s time to grow up.

I can’t be a child anymore,

Who is carefree without any responsibility?

I have to grow up,

And that’s why I just killed the child inside me!

Disconnected...

Some days ago I felt so happy,

As if I was connected to one and all,

All of sudden I just have a feeling of being disconnected,

From all my loved ones.

I was never like this!

Was always a happy child,

But now in the environment I live in,

I feel very disconnected.

I think I now have a sociophobia,

And I want to run away from it,

Don’t want my people to know,

What I think and what I feel.

Only a bunch of people,

Who know me in and out!

Would love to be with them,

And avoid others around.

I wonder where this fear found me?

Was I walking on road or sleeping then,

But I know it has encroach me well,

Well enough to never let me go.

I miss being me !

In the world so big that it can’t fit in my hand,

I fear if I’ll ever be me,

I will be crushed and walked over,

And to this moment I will just be a spectator.

This is the reason,

I am over confident and shrude,

And in this process I sometimes realize,

I miss being me!

Should I be like this or change?

To my original self?

Give away my defense as charity,

And let people walk over me?

My attitude protects me,

From the people who want to harm me,

But I am so not what I project to be,

I am so not me!

I miss being me!