The overlooked ‘SUPERWOMEN’

Who says the era of the superwomen has seen its end? Even though Wonder women, Princess Leia and Cat women are underground today they have always made their presence felt time and again. In the same way in today’s real life there are many superwomen who exist, the only difference being that they don’t wear their super women fancy body sticking costumes anymore.

As my wedding bells are going to ring soon I have come to realize a lot of things in life, which otherwise I was very ignorant about. One of the things being, I had totally refused to notice the existence of superwomen near and around me. I know this might come to some as a shock but the core truth lies beneath the fact that we all are always surrounded by these superwomen in our life but our world (that comprises of our so called friends, our so called work life and our so called love life) behaves a catalyst and at the end we do nothing but ignore them and their super powers.

 

Let me not create a lot of suspense around this and quickly alter the fact that in this post I am referring to our mothers and sisters as superwomen with crazy super powers. This post with due respect is dedicated to three super women in my life the last one being a new edition.

My beloved mother:

Super powers: Ability to multitask efficiently, great story teller, amazing conversationalist, finger linking cook, hard core professional (with 36.5 years of hands on experience with the India’s most difficult work culture environment), a samurai fighter in life, diplomat, well read, wholesale love distributer, cares about her kids, sugary sweet, can shed tears depending on the situation and at the end a darling and a sweetest mother that possibly anybody can have.

To begin with my mother is a ‘Rock star’ I believe for some or the other reason everybody’s mother is a one. She can do or achieve anything in life without even asking for any help or guidance. Actually this is the way that she has trained herself to be post my father’s death. The transformation from a gullible lady to a superwoman is definitely commendable. Till today *touchwood* I haven’t seen her shattered or worried about anything in life. For me and my sister she has actually stood as a backbone making sure that not only our future is bright but also that we have a strong foundation to back upon.I am sure she does miss dad sometimes or let’s be real and say most of the times but her entire grief gets clogged and somewhere surfaces only on his death anniversary. If you realize it’s extremely difficult to survive in the world where you are looked down upon if you do not meet the society’s requirement. 

It’s amazing how she has guided me and my sister throughout to become what we are today (carefree, independent, confident and responsible). Even with all these attributes that we have received as genetics from her I personally think we can never be as strong as her. She alone has not only managed us our education but also has also managed to help us live with a lot of dignity and spirit.
 

Her superwoman qualities lie in the fact that she has taken care of my sister and me in many different ways. Worked as invisible shield to protect us from the ridicule of the society and people who are actually a part of our family. She has always passed on the power, which has helped us to respect and love people. Many times this works as a drawback if not used appropriately. But I really salute the woman who has been there for me when I had fever, when I was down with stupid worries and when I needed her most which is ‘always’. My words, my actions and my entire life would be far less if I have to count the things she has ever done for me. I am not sure if I can ever repay the good that she is done to me but I have promised myself that I would never let her down.

My beloved sister: 

Super powers: Is as quick as a bullet, tongue as sharp as knife, heart as big as elephant, superb cook, beautiful handwriting like never seen before, talented painter and a perfect wife, mother, daughter and a par excellent sister. 

My mother always told me that my sister has seen a lot in her life especially after my dad passed away. She is eaten food on the platform, she is studied under the street light, she has picked and dropped me to school catching the first place in a double decker bus, has come with me to the doctor to get my hand fixed, was there for me when I was lonely, was there for me when my world fell apart and the list can go on and on.

Till date I think I somehow always failed to understand her, so I snapped back, also got angry but when I realized her worry behind everything I came to know what a fool I have till date been. My sister being 9 years elder to me was always like another mother figure in the family. As she is 9 years older to me she obviously got married when I was in 10^th standard. The time when possibly I needed a sister cum friend she was transplanted to a zone that was alien to me. Obviously we couldn’t ever fill the gap of becoming great friends than sisters who always fought. She has done a lot for me. When I look back now I feel that somehow I have always misunderstood her. The times that we have had arguments were only because she somehow understood my mother better than me. I think somewhere she has always filled the space of a son in the family. She has always been responsible, strong, straight forward and a protector to mom and me.

The main reason that mom is so strong today is also somewhere because of the support she got from her. I am sure that today my mom is more proud of her than me. And trust me I am really happy for her. She has grown up to become somebody who not only demands respect and love but also commands it. 

Her main super powers lies in the fact that she is blunt and practical in the most of complicated things and issues we face in life. She is simple and she doesn’t have too many hang-ups in life. She takes things as they come and deals with them with a lot of understanding and maturity. All this if you go to compare is a bit too much for a person of her age. Life hasn’t actually given her too many opportunities to explore her talents and caliber. Unfortunately post her marriage too she got so stuck with the household chores, that she completely kind of ignored her identity. But the outcome of this is still great as I see she is happy. And at the end that’s what matters.

My official second mother:

Super powers: Practical knowledge, speaks her mind and that’s my personal favorite, emotionally strong, decision maker, down to earth, one of the best cooks ever, enthusiastic, stiches and creates magic with needles and threads, creative, great mimic, well read, fun to be with, doesn’t care what the world thinks, loves her family, independent and great money and home manager. 

Some people would still be unclear of whom am I referring too in this section. For them and to give more clarity to this piece it’s my very dear mother-in-law. Personally I don’t like referring her like that as to me that word just misses life. It sounds dry and as if some villain has actually crafted this word to give a bitchy effect. Exactly the way soap operas portray this character and this profile. 

The truth is that the very first time I met her (like it exactly happens in a total arrange marriage scenario) I was scared, let me more clear about this I was shit scared. The thoughts of what if they my in-laws reject me kept me awake almost the entire week. My hands were as cold as ice (a nervous syndrome) and I was blank. In fact the funny part being that I goggled and also read through some document, which said ‘Dos and dont's of meeting your in-laws for the first time’. However ridiculous and stupid it may sound at that moment it was the only relief. For me it was an exam that I was asked to clear without any preparations. But frankly when I saw her for the first time, I was surprisingly relived. She made us feel at home. It was definitely nothing like I had imagined, daydreamed and had nightmares about. She seemed to be fine with me. 

Days passed and the more I got to know of her I realized what I wonderful person she is to be with. The best part is that she is completely aware of the environment by which I mean the people around her. She knows what she is best at and she also knows what she can get best at. She is open in sharing her views and opinions and even though she is tough from outside she is a soft personality on the inside. It’s only that she likes that side of hers to be under the blanket which is kind of a defense mechanism that many of us have.

She has managed to make her children independent and strong. She has managed to cultivate the culture of saving and enjoying the benefits of the saved money at the same time. Her cooking skills can put anyone to shame, from the techniques she uses to the food that flashes on the table, she is like the live 'Sanjeev Kapoor' in the house. There is so much to learn from her. Once in passing conversation she did mention of how I should have a complex because of her amazing ability to make everything look delicious, to which very spontaneously I replied “to have a complex you at least need to reach a bar and for someone like me that bar still seems a horizon away” and we both end up laughing about the same.

She is simply amazing in dealing with people. She just knows where to draw the lines and trust me that’s an art to learn and master. I respect her for a lot of things, including the independence that she has managed to keep intact. She is open to the new views and it feels really good that the house that you will go into some day resides people who work and follow an open culture. One more great thing about her is she is open to teaching. She doesn’t treat you like an outsider who has just arrived in life to marry her beloved son. The way she expresses herself and yet manages to keep her crabby (hidden self) to herself is commendable. She has managed to help her kids grow into strong, respectful individuals. She has managed to earn herself a tension free life today. And believe me in today’s world that’s like a really big achievement. 

To these three superwomen I think I owe my life. I would try my level best to keep them happy and not to disappoint them. All I have to say that superwomen in today’s world do exist all you need to do is spot them and you will find they are always there with you and for you.

Mind - Balancing act

Off late I have been overloaded with millions of thoughts. They have been actually travelling in my mind taking for granted that my mind is a racetrack and each and every thought wants to win the race. The thoughts are pretty random some pertaining to my personal life, some to my professional and the left overs to the dark dungeons that have been lying like a stinking dead fish beneath my closed fist sized heart.

Seesaw: Sometimes I wonder when one side of your life is green does that mean the other needs to be black? But yes! how can I forget even that’s a thought after all. Currently I am in a two faced situation, where my personal life seems to be all hunky dory (*touch wood) and my professional life seems to be a juggling act. I know the reasons of this imbalance though, but somewhere the solution-oriented mind of mine seems to have taken a backseat, making it utterly difficult for me to understand the situation and reciprocate to the problem. And the lesson learnt is life is a package filled with ups and downs. Where ups keep you motivated to fight, downs teach you the values of ups.

Makeover: Someone very close to me once rather lets be specific with numbers here, told me at least a million times that there are at least ten thousand things that I need to improve in myself. Which somewhere I completely agree too but a complete makeover of you is definitely not a cakewalk. That’s because you are used to growing up and living in a particular condition, atmosphere, situation and circumstance. All of sudden to adjust yourself and to imagine yourself in someone else’s shoes is like climbing a Mount Everest when you are a loser enough that you need help to climb a slightly big slope at Elephanta caves. And the lesson learnt is not always changing yourself matters; sometimes just a tweak does the job. Just make sure the tweak is right.

Live hypocrisy: The discussion on the table is not that whether I can change according to what the time and people demand. Its more about why does this need in the first place arise? What happens to the theories of you should except people the way they are and vice versa? What I have concluded from the over all scenario is that, you are always surrounded by hypocrites, hence you need to take utmost care of what you do, you think and should do and you should think. Isn’t this confusing enough that you are again loaded with other thoughts! I learnt it a hard way. And the lesson learnt is world is full of hypocrites and if you think someone is not, then treasure that person, run away with that person incase it suits your orientation or tie him/her with a rope and keep him/her in a prison locked by strong iron chains.

Enthusiasm vs expectation: As a child I have been always been over enthusiastic and curious about things that come my way. And this has really helped me grown in many ways. Until today that I realized over enthusiasm can be misinterpreted as immature and over confident behaviour. Most of the time all of this comes to me as a shock as what I think and do is not exactly what is perceived and interpreted. I don’t have a problem with that, but rectifying it is a trouble in itself. And many a times I think you should just let it be. A very dear friend of mine once told me “You just cannot keep everyone happy.” And the lesson learnt is exactly what is said in the previous line i.e “You just cannot keep everyone happy.”

Interpretation vs misinterpretation: I have faced this problem many times recently. May be again this is something to do with my inability to communicate of what I mean or its just that person’s inability to understand where I am coming from. I am not a best judge to decide and conclude on this hence I do seek help from my well enlightened friends which does help you take the load of your head many times. Somewhere years of experience doesn’t really help much in such a situation, but yes its teaches you a lesson for sure. And the lesson learnt is however close one person is to you, it doesn’t mean that the person is always right. After all human error theory is also applicable to that person as much is applicable to you.

Happy to be me: This is a state of mind where according to me no one can ever be. And if someone claims he is then that person is in a state of mind where he is very smartly fooling himself. I think I am as far from this mindset as people on earth are from the moon, and if his is the way I am perceived and interpreted I don’t really think I will ever reach close to this. I know somewhere I get a bit too boggled emotionally by problems that crop up in my life, but again isn’t this me? The matter of fact is not that I will not try to be a better person in dictionary definitions but the fact still remains a mystery to me whether all this is actually required? If I ask my fiancé this question he will surely deny or may be very smartly tell me do things with a slight modifications that I am ok with and in fact is one of main reasons of why I am so willing to be his better half (totally superwoman style). And the lesson learnt don’t just talk about this state of mind, try and get there.

Filters: One thing I have realized, in life you find tons of people that are ready on one leg to advice you or suggest you extraordinary solutions that you will in your widest dreams not think of. Again choosing what is right is your call and which according to me a talent in itself, in which I am as handicapped as paralysis patient lying in the bed at a hospital. And the lesson learnt is choose what you think is right but not all you think is right.

So many unanswered thoughts are running through my mind each and every second and they have quite a bit succeeded in giving me sleepless nights. The final place where I think I can find answers to these questions and some peace of mind is within me. For today after writing so much I guess I can have my share a peaceful mind and sleep.