Dare you quit !

In loneliness and fear,

When the world turns back to you,

You feel like giving it up,

But dare you quit.

Times always change,

Everyday cant be good and happy,

Face it with courage,

But dare you quit.

This difficult time,

Teaches you how to live,

All should experience it,

But dare you quit.

Every cloud has silver lining,

So does your problem too,

Wait for the coins to flip,

But dare you quit.

Once you surrender yourself,

To the troubles of your life,

You will understand,

The reason why not to quit.

My perfect man !

I want such a man,

Who would wait for me to hold him tight,

Would assure me that,

He will always be by my side.

Who would kiss my forehead,

And pamper me like a father,

Scold me when I am wrong,

In illness will also be my mother.

Who would never dominate me,

All support me in what ever I do,

Come to pick me up if late,

And still wouldn’t yell at me,

Who is presentable and polite enough,

To face all my loved ones,

Mixes with them all,

And loves me in tons.

Never would tell me,

Why are you this way?

Would overcome my limitations,

Would teach me and say, I love you.

Would take care of me like a child,

And would save me from all disasters,

Would just support me emotionally,

In whatever life brings.

Supports my family,

Loves my mom,

Would never mind me going home,

Would insist if he could come.

If ever in life I would find such a guy,

Would love him more than anybody,

Would never let him go,

And would do everything to keep him happy.

Would listen to every word of his,

Just without an argument,

Would be with him in his hard times,

So that he is never alone.

Will love him and care for him,

Just the way he does,

Will never give him a chance to complain,

Come what may come…

Second chance !

Have people around,

Still I feel alone.

Have a bunch to laugh but,

No one cry.

Have many to play,

But no one hold hands.

Have many to walk,

But no one trust upon.

Being single is not easy,

In the world of lovers,

But coming across the right one,

Is also not an easy task.

You come across many,

Some of them just for a flash,

By the time you know them,

You see they are gone.

You run behind them,

You love them, care for them,

They don’t even look back once,

And people say that’s your hard luck.

You fall in love,

Do everything what he tells you,

But still at the end he is unhappy,

Because you always mess up.

A person who will care,

And be with you throughout,

Is really difficult to find,

Depends totally on your destiny.

But then life is always taking a chance.

The worst fear !

The fear of losing someone,

Is the worst thing to happen !

But it’s the law of the nature,

We don’t have an option than to surrender.

One moment his presence,

And then his absence for life,

Is so terrible to face,

But we don’t get a second chance.

The pain of missing someone,

Is really difficult to explain,

Is best known to the person,

Who has lost someone to the almighty.

People cry but for sometime,

Later everything is back to the square one,

No one bothers if you are present,

That’s the way it always is !

But ask the person who has lost,

The most precious thing of all,

How terrible it is to live with the fact?

That the person is no more.

To live with his memories throughout,

The life that we lead,

To feel his presence even if he is not,

And to fake that you have accepted all,

To smile with others,

As if nothing has happened,

All is fine and right because,

We don’t have an option than to surrender.

Flip...

I live in two worlds;

One that I love to be in and,

The other that I am forced to be in,

The one that I love seems like a story being unfold,

Where everything is just about, right,

The other is harsh and takes me close,

To something called as real life.

My world, the one I love is away from,

The hatred of the world, the scams and the scandals,

The one that I am forced to be in is a big mean world,

Where one is about to eat the other,

In the race of love, money and status.

I don’t want to live the big bad world,

I want to break free where I can see,

Only how, I want my world to be.

A peep within…

I fear to look inside,

For all I can find is a different me.

Looking back at the past,

I fear that present shall also not last.

“My world” so called a fool’s paradise,

Keeps me happy and away from reality,

It’s like a fairy land to me,

Where hatred, pain and games don’t exist,

All I fail to realize that it’s just a fool’s paradise.

Inside me I see various fears,

Dying to crawl outside and stand still before me,

I try and runaway to a place where they can’t reach,

But when I look back I see them follow,

I run, I run till I pant and give up on them,

They still want to catch hold of me,

And see me die underneath.

I fear to look inside

For all I can find is a different me.

Contradictory worlds

Back to back it just makes me feel that I have visited two different worlds altogether in this weekend.

Yesterday evening I had been to a colleague’s place which was located in the posh area of Bandra Pali hill. Initially I was skeptical about how the entire evening would pass as the audience present there was not much my age and my kinds. There were few old friends who have now quit my work place and have moved on in life. However to my surprise each and every one of them turned up. And the audience mix was of SOBOS (South Bombayites) and a new concept and a word that I learned yesterday MAKABOs (Malad, Kandivli, Borivali). I realized I am a proud MAKABO . The evening began with an awesome starter sessions accompanied by some best wines and other drinks.

It was great to see that for once I was not feeling lost and unwanted in a party like this, which most of the times I feel. And this is the reason why I stay away from this kind of social attention. It gives me a feeling that I can’t be what I am when I around people who are fake, born in India but always dream of being a firang, who are highly status conscious, wear only rocks which are possibly heavier than their fingers, who talk about Gucci and Jimmy Choo and who think half of the good things in the world are just too LS (low standards). As it was an office get together the hot topics were obviously pertaining to few characters at work that have become famous in no time for all the wrong things possible. However before I divert from the topic I must tell you that the house was very beautiful with exactly the kind of furniture and warmth that I like. The house was not huge but from its window you could see the entire Bandra and beyond (a perfect place for morning tea). On the right hand side there was a huge terrace which when inquired I was told is of Sanjay Dutt and Manyata. Two blocks away is the bungalow of Ranbir Kapoor and five blocks away stays Deepika Padukone. I wonder sometimes how does it feel to own a house in such a posh area? Does that make you feel like a star? Does that change you as a person? Or does that change your food habits? I think living in a place like this is only worth if you don’t change as a person from within. But I know it far easy said than done.

And here is the other side of the coin.

Today is Holi a festival colours and one of my personal favorites. As a child I was never fond of this festival, later in life I realized that I didn’t ever hate this festival probably I was always with the wrong set of people. Since past 3- 4 yrs I have been enjoying this festival like crazy. And thanks to my lovely, crazy, mad set of friends. They are someone who love me and accept me for what I am and not what people want me to be. With them I can be dumb, crazy, stupid, roll in the mud, smile with colour all over me , with black teeth and still get an assurance that they would hug me the same way as they would if I had ever been anything big in life. Today we did everthing that we do every year on Holi. We were drenched in mud and colours, we ate hot samosas at Paras (a local store in Borivali) , we were roaming like vellas (a synonym for the people who have nothing great to do in life) on the road doing a lot of vellagiri and finally settling down in a place where probably atleast 10 people or few dogs must have pee- ed. Yes but I love doing all this rather I love being myself, a carefree bird, a lost child who is happy in her own small world.

And this is the world I like to be in no matter where I reach in my professional life or maybe I get married to someone who is stinking rich (chances of this happening is very low, thou) I will still be more happy with my people who love me and judge me on what I was to them and not what I am to the world today.

I pretend...

I pretend to be strong,

But I am not.

I pretend to be ok,

But I am not.

I pretend to be you,

But I am not.

What I am is a question that

I ask often ask myself.

I see people around me,

Climbing the ladder of success faster than me,

They are shrude, rude and mean,

Behind there success lies the unhappiness unseen.

To me they are a corpse,

Dying to be alive,

Trying to act human,

But lost in the race of time.

When I look back,

I find no regret,

But I often ask myself,

Am I happy to be where I am?

What I get back is an answer to myself,

That is that "I pretend"